Nostalgia

“Ah, here it comes, I know it’s someone I knew

Teenage riot in a public station, gonna fight and

Tear it up in a hyper nation for you”

-Sonic Youth

Nostalgia is a feeling that seems to stay with us a little while longer than some of the other feelings out there.  It is the steerer of daydreams and the loyal messenger of our beliefs.  When we feel nostalgic, we may be helpless for a moment, because our memories can be as powerful as real life present moments.

I think nostalgia is difficult to label at first.  Some may not even view it as a feeling.  Like other tricky feelings, it may be disguised as sadness or loss or frustration, while in its best form it can make us experience feelings of love, connection, joy and pride.  It is easy to get carried away by it and end up feeling the more difficult feelings of disconnectedness, particularly if we bring negative experiences, or negative present moments to mind.  When feeling nostalgic, it is as important to reality check your present life as it is to label the emotion for what it is.  If we suspect that it might be nostalgia we’re feeling, wearing a mask, it may very well step into the light and unmask itself.  One way to know that it is in fact nostalgia is to ask if there is something paradoxical about it.  That is, do we miss a certain time or moment, but are also relieved that we are in the present moment now?  Do we recognize something we miss but experience gratitude for our growth and experience, or do we still hold onto that old memory and wish to live it over and over again?  If we wish to relive our pasts, we are probably going to be sad, disappointed, and frustrated because what we experience in a state of nostalgia is not a present moment state.  But can we miss something and be okay with it staying there, without it having to come back to us or for us to go back to retrieve it?

I think of nostalgia when I meet people who are fearful of commitment, who describe themselves as melancholy on a regular basis, some who are  “empty nesters” (parents who feel an emptiness when their kids embark on their own lives by moving out/moving away/etc.), or even people who are lost in their current roles, personally or professionally.  I think nostalgia is one of those feelings that is not only disguised at times, but can transform into more draining feelings, like intense sadness and loss, if the recollections are given a grandiose appearance.  This is when gratitude becomes an incredibly powerful tool.  Maybe tool is the wrong word as it implies fixing, whereas transforming could really be what is called for to move through the feeling.  But maybe the tool of gratitude is necessary before it becomes a transformation, which usually takes more time and practice.  If we see nostalgia as a force greater than we can control, we can start by taking control of its impact on our lives.  One example: you may be feeling guilty about the way you treat your child and suddenly find yourself in a trance of how a parent treated you.  You relive the moment, caught up in it while your child is sulking before you.  You don’t have to shake off the feeling; you can hug your child instead.  If your child is old enough, you can say that your own words reminded you of words you heard years ago.  You can change the impact of the feeling in real time, or shortly after.  If nostalgia leaves us helpless or stuck, then tools are what we need to repair or rebuild.  If nostalgia does not leave us stuck in the past, but gives us a richer sense of our histories and our personal experiences, then we don’t need anything to pull us out, we will know how to move through the feeling with grace and gratitude already.  So, it’s not just gratitude that we must invoke, but also patience with ourselves as we reminisce.

The feeling of nostalgia is vague.  But it is also very real, just as our pasts are real, and we must give the feeling recognition and time.  But, just like a dream, we must pull away so that our waking lives are realized and so that those newer, present moments, turn into experiences we will want to revisit and reconnect with again.

Any song I post is nostalgic in some way.  I narrowed down the songs to those that I feel nostalgic about, as well as those I’ve heard over the years that define nostalgia in some way.  They reappear in my mind, like people and thoughts, and bring on other feelings that I can enjoy, or process, and reflect on, and then leave behind in time.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWHm3jWJn_RzSErWwvs6B7EygAeN_AZ-1

 

1. Donde Esta la Playa by The Walkmen

We understand the past a little more clearly in retrospection.  If we were superhuman and could understand all things and meanings in real time, our experiences would lack depth.

2. Buffalo by Kathleen Edwards

This is one of the nostalgia songs that can trap you in the difficult feelings.  It’s interesting how Kathleen moves through the seasons and ends with the season that is usually most difficult for people: winter.  Although any season can be difficult if it provokes nostalgia.  But something about snow and its power and heaviness reminds me of the influence of nostalgia.

3. Teen Age Riot by Sonic Youth

A classic forever teenager song.  Not much more to add.  But you can go on and add whatever you like!

4. Seventeen by Sharon Van Etten

This poem of a song reminds me of times when I think I know what someone is thinking and then realize it’s all my own thoughts.  So I try to stop and listen.

5. Cicada by Belle Mare

This is an example of nostalgia played out in song.  The lyrics don’t necessarily illicit the feeling, but the movement of the song mirrors the feeling so well.  The dreamy, floaty beginning, the invitation to keep going further, the changes in the song, the impact of the words “wait” and “return,” and then the full shift into what sounds like a new song but still dreamy enough that it keeps you with the feeling, and finally, the sound of what I imagine is a  long journey out of it.